You murder time & truth, love, laughter & belief (clubgirl4u) wrote,
You murder time & truth, love, laughter & belief

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living is so very close to dying

There are days when I can deal and days when I can't. I guess the biggest problem that I have is that I do still care about the boi. I have no idea what's going on with him right now but as I can see from his latest entry he really does need somebody right now. Even when he is being weird towards me I still care about him so I tried contacting him but he hasn't replied to any of my messages. I still worry about him, for he will always be my Lestat. And I kinda thought about that today how Gabrielle and Lestat were with each other. Even though they suffered for different reasons they suffered in silence next to one another. That's the way it is with us we rarely tell each other about the hurt, that is until we have private moments such as going out and having car cocktails or those rare occasions when we do get to have midnight talks. But mostly there is this silent understanding.

I guess I will always be his friend and I am always going to worry about him. It doesn't bother me that he has other girls as friends or even the fact that he lives with one now. What does bother me is the fact that he seems to think that he can't have more than one good friend, and maybe one day he will realize that he can. So I leave our friendship in his hands, in another words I will be here when he needs me and even though my goals have somewhat remained the same they still have kept him in mind, if he ever needs someplace to go I will be there. I am applying for a job tomorrow and I found some excellent places in Chicago that are cheap I even signed up to get listings for Troy, MI because they have a bus system there. If I can get a temp job and a place I will move to Troy. I think it's $30 bucks for an unlimited bus pas and I can bus it to where I want to go :). Anyway those are my two choices that is of course after I have saved some money up to move again.

I am trying to be positive though there are times when I cry because I worry that I have lost him as a friend but I will just have to accept the way things are right now and maybe they will be different down the line. Wander the earth Lestat and know that Gabrielle will always be your mother or was that daughter ;) *smiles*

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