clubgirl4u

I don't know if my old friends are still around and wondered hey whatever the hell happened to me but yes I am still alive.  I have been working and I have moved and a lot of nothing has been going on.  I have come to the point where I feel that I need to express my feelings in my journal again.  I have a new journal so please add me as a friend if you want: http://phoenix-egg.livejournal.com/

For those who have stated that they missed me or just simply stated yes whatever the hell happened to you, I want to thank you for caring about me.  Huggs <3

P.S.  I have a myspace too if anyone has gone there as well if you would like to add me: http://www.myspace.com/transplantedcitygirl

My freakiness score is: 256 Are you a freak? Find out your freakiness level.

Ganked from robertcross ;)

Well thought I would update before I go to bed. Went to the Employment office yesterday and applied for the job in Adulusia. I didn't have time to look through the other jobs as much as I would like but I updated my files and got the web address again because I somehow lost my first copy. They should be contacting me if any jobs come in that match my skills now. Went off my diet yesterday but only for the day. Me and mom whet to the Mexican resteraunt for lunch and it was ssoooooo good. lol But I am back on track today starting with my fruit day today. Today has been a lot harder than last Monday. I think my body thought ok we will give her a week and she'll give up and now that I am keeping up with it, it's starting to rebel. I am craving worse this week than I was last week. But tomorrow is vegetable day and therefore it should be easier.

My new mattresses are very comfortable ;). Spent most of today answering emails, I had like 70 to go through and then most of this night has been spent on fulfilling icon request. I am pretty much caught up and only have like 4 request to go through. But the most exciting thing of all is the fact that I might be going up to Michigan next month for two weeks (maybe longer). Mom is going up for the court date (my brothers hearing to get custody or better visitation rights for his son) and asked if I would watch the animals and I asked her if it would be ok if I came up with the animals. She thought about it and has pretty much said yes. She is still going to fly because it will be too hard on her to drive. So I will be making the two day trip up there probably the last week of this month or the first week of next month depending on when the court date is. It's going to be kinda cool just me driving the open highway for two days, she is even going to call ahead and book a motel for me for the first night :). I can't express how happy I am, I contacted some of my friends and I think I will be able to get together with them which is the main reason for my happiness. Well I must head off to bed before the sun rises :-P

I love this song, it was the boi that introduced me to the Housemartins and I have been listening to some of my old stuff today and this one makes me cry every time.

Housemartins
London 0 Hull 4
I'll Be Your Shelter (Just Like a Shelter)

In times when you're troubled
Seems more than you can affoard
And you feel, you feel you need a friend
Someone to share the load

And when your skies grow cloudy
I want you to know got a friend that's true
Just like a shelter, in a time of storm
I'll see you through, that's what I'll do

When your dreams are scattered
Just like the wind blown sand
And you feel, you feel you need a friend
I'll be there, reach out your hand

And when the tempest is raging
I want you to know got a friend that's true
Just like a shelter, in a time of storm
I'll see you through, that's what I'll do

I'll see you through your bad times
I'll see you through your fears
I'll see you through your hang ups
Honey I'll dry all your tears

And when the tempest is raging
I want you to know got a friend that's true
Just like a shelter, in a time of storm
I'll see you through, that's what I'll do

I will see you through, I will see you through
I will see you through, I will see you through

When my load got heavy, did you see me through
When my load got to hard to bear, did you see me through
What would you do, what would you do
What would you do, what would you do

Spent most of yesterday cleaning the house and didn't get online much, and when I did I mostly just spent my time creating yet another new background. I wanted to do a theme to Annie Lennox's Pavement Cracks but I couldn't find the lyrics anywhere, guess I will have to wait until the album comes out next month.

Anyway the reason we had to do a lot of cleaning was because my mom ordered like $2000 worth of new furniture and they delivered it this morning. We now have a new Burgundy couch with reclining ends and a big wooden coffee table that has baskets for drawers that pull out (it's actually very pretty). Mom got a new Serta mattress for her bed and she also bought a set of mattresses for my room. She also bought a day bed for the house next door and a hollywood frame for her old set of mattresses because they are still in excellent condition she just thought they were uncomfortable. I told her when I move I get the frame and the mattresses (hell it's a queen size) ;) and she said ok.

Another reason for the new furniture and beds is that my sister Kim is coming to visit for two weeks next week and my dad is coming down to visit for one week at the same time. I am not sure if I am giving up my bed and sleeping in the house next door or if Kim and her husband are. It will most likely be me. The reason I am not already over there is because it has it's own separate electric bill and it will cost too much for me to run the air conditioner over there. I am soo excited to see my little niece for the first time, I can't wait :).

Well I have to go take a shower and get ready to go to the Alabama Employment Office at around noon. My mom is going into town for another tanning session and I am going to go over there while she is in the tanning salon. I know for certain that I want the one application for the job in Andalusia, and I am going to look through the books to see if they have any more positions that I might be interested in. Right now I don't see a point to getting a job here because it's almost time to go back to Michigan but then again I do need to save as much money as I can if I am going to move out and accomplish what I want to accomplish.

Oh yes and I almost forgot my total loss for the week is 8 pounds, very happy about that :). I am starting week two and today is fruit day and in my opinion the hardest day.

Yesterday was good and bad. The bad part was that the past hit me in the face and made me cry :-P. The good part was that I got two job leads. One of my dads friends came over here the other day and told me about a couple of computer jobs that about 30 minutes away and he also said he would grab me the newspaper from the next town over since they are more industrialized and will have more job opportunities. My mom said she didn't mind driving me, so keep you fingers crossed that these leads actually lead to something :). I called on Friday about the one lead and I have to go through the Andalusia Employment Office. I called them and they said I could go down to the Brewton Employment Office and request the application faxed over. I was going to do that yesterday, I took my shower, did my hair, did my makeup, but my mom didn't come home until like 4 yesterday from her excursions so I am going to go on Monday :)

I went to sleep at like 8 last night due to this overwhelming sadness that tried to kick my ass and I woke up at 1:30 talked to lorele for a little bit. He is also fighting with his own demons right now so heres to hoping that we can both triumph over them. Went back to sleep at 6 this morning thinking I would only sleep for a few hours but I slept until 11:30 this morning.

Another good thing that happened yesterday was that I convinced my mom to buy me two suits to go on interviews with. I am very excited since most of my clothes don't look appropriate for a first interview. I told her I would pay her back once I got a job.
( Here is what I bought )

Now I just have to get my hair cut and I will knock em dead on the interview *crosses fingers* I have been following the diet and so far so good. I haven't weighed myself again because I think I am just going to weight in once a week so I don't get freaked out if I don't loose for that day :). The important part is that I am loosing. Now I need to add exercise into my routine, maybe some Tai Bo or a little bit of Richard Simmons (yeah I know he is corny but the exercises are fun :-P).

Last night I was playing around with brushes and things in PhotoShop and I came up with this icon which I am really liking right now :)

isn't it cute ;)

Had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"

She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"

And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on

And had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
Left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day again"

No...

And she swears there's nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me off and puts me on

Oh and had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day...again"

She left a note and said, "I'm sorry I
had a bad day..."

Just so most of you are not worrying about me, I am in no way starving myself :) I have been looking it up on the net because apperently it's also called the Sacred Heart 7 Day Diet and there are apparently different versions of the diet. It's mostly the same but one difference I have noticed is how the soup is made and the second is on day 4 which I am on ;) that some of the diets say only bananas and milk nothing mentioned about the tuna fish. But my copy of the diet says you can do tuna fish and two bananas or you can do the 8 bananas no tuna. Some of the sites say to do this diet only for a week and then alternate with eating right for a week. Other sites say to use it as long as you feel it is benefitting you. My dad lost 106 pounds in 6 months and was doing ok on it. I think it's ok to substitute some things. The biggest thing is not to eat any bread, sugars, booze, etc. And two key things I found is to drink the water, you must drink lots of water. I drink ice water because I was told your body works to lower it to body temperature which kicks your metabolism into gear. The second key thing is that I take multi-vitamins every day. I think the vitamins are important since this is a drastic change for me. So far I am not dying on it and I even have one of those chocolate flavored protein bars every other day (sort of a small cheat) and I am still doing good ;). I am going to do it until I got sick of it and then maybe take a break and try to do it again.

I lost 7 pounds in 3 days I am soooo friggen happy! ;)

(This is sort of an editing version of a entry I just posted but that was made visible to only one and only if they logged in) :).

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I guess the reason that I have been freaking out lately is because I don't feel my life is where it's supposed to be. I am drifting further away from the plans that I always have had for myself. I always had this idea of where it was I was going and now it seems I am going nowhere.

For the past 9 years I have had a steady job day to day job. I had a friend base. But now I don't have a job, I don't have the friends I used to have, and I am back to living at home. I guess ever since I have left the state of Michigan I have been freaking out over this and have put a lot of pressure on R to be the go to person. The person I expected to be there everyday to cheer me up and to get me out of my funk. But honestly that wasn't fair at all to R. I realize that now and recent events have jerked me into realization that I have to be the one to do these things for myself. For honestly no matter how much your best friend tries to talk to you and tell you what you need to hear or what they think you need to hear your not going to until you decide to do it for yourself. It was hard at first but it has made me take a serious look at my life and realize that I need to be there for myself and become that stable person that I have been in the past.

As to taking control of my life I am going into town on Thursday dressed to the Nines and I am going to Employment office and if I can't find anything there I may just start going door to door damn it. Like I said yesterday I started the J.N.C. Diet and I ate nothing but fruit yesterday and it was hard believe you me because my stomach was rumbling but I made it and I didn't cheat once. Today I ate nothing but vegetable and although today was easier with vegetables I did cheat slightly tonight and had protein bar but it was one of those healthy ones and it was only 110 calories. My dad went on this diet and he lost 130 pounds within 5 months and that's what I want to do. It's supposed to be a diet that heart patients or people who are going to have an operation go on to loose a lot of weight fast to that they can have operations without complications or whatever. Here is the diet:

( Jackson Northwest Clinic Diet )

So tomorrow I can eat fruit and vegetables :). Actually it's not as hard as I though it was going to be. I mean it's different than what I am used to but I tell myself what if you were on a desert island you would be happy to eat all these different kinds of foods. hehe corny but hell it gets me through.

Ok my horoscope is really funny today :-P

"Trouble in paradise is unavoidable, so you may as well be blunt and tell it like you feel it. Attempts to finesse things have already had the opposite effect; steer straight today".

Getting ready to head into town for a little bit. Even thought I took a big ass nap yesterday I feel asleep on the couch last night and slept until 10:30 this morning. ugh...too much sleep. Today is the day that I am starting the Northwestern Jackson diet, so I am only eating fruit today. I am determined this time, so lets hope I get through this day without killing anyone.

Apparently I have been self deluding myself into thinking I am polly pure :-P

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

The last couple of days have been ok and I have been feeling a bit better or trying to at least. I changed my background yet once again to an Erasure theme :) I love the way they look in drag hehe

Yesterday got up around noon and then me and my mom went into town. We ate at this one place called the "Huddle House", strange name but oddly it looked just like the inside of a Big Boys. Even the menu looked the same, I ordered what kinda looked like a Big Boy Hamburger. Then she went grocery shopping and I finagled $10 out of her to go to the dollar store. I got a cute little white wire garbage can for my room, and then this really cute basket that cost about $5 for to put my magazines in. I also got some hangers, one of those long lighters for candles, and 2 little green/white candles. My room is really shaping up, I got everything I want up now. I went through and organized all my books and nick knacks on my shelves to where I have one shelf set aside specifically for my pics. The only pics that made it up are pics of my friends, the family is still packed away because there was simply no room. I also got the new May issue of Cosmo, very happy about that :)

Went to bed around 3:30 and then got up this morning at about 8:30 to go to the meeting. I really didn't want to go but I have skipped all the meetings for the past week and a half. If I don't go to at least one I have to hear a lecture from my mother and I really don't feel like hearing it. That's another reason I need to get a job because honestly my family is not all that stable and I need to be out on my own. So today I bought the Brewton Standard and the Pensacola paper. There are jobs in Pensacola but my mother doesn't want to drive me an hour away every day. So I have to concentrate on any job I can get here in town. Once I get a car it will make things much easier.

Anyway after the meeting we went out to eat with her friend Wilda to the Brewton Country Club "oh la la" hehe. Yeah it was fried chicken, corn bread, and greens. Definitely southern cuisine. We sat down only to be joined by the visiting speaker that gave the talk this morning. So I had to suffer through not only my moms friends but about 5 other people from the hall. I told my mom she owes me one. Came home today got online and talked to a really great old friend and found out some fabulous news and I am very happy for them (you know who you are) :) . But because I only slept 5 hours last night I was wiped out at around 5 this afternoon so I took a nap and didn't get up until about 8:30 so I am wide awake now.

Besides looking for a job I have been spending time making icons and trying to learn more Photo Shop :). I tell you Photo Shop is the greatest thing that R gave me. I really enjoy the instant gratification it provides when people take my icons *smiles*

Oh yes before I forget last week I was at Wal-Mart and I was wearing my blue hat with the rainbow numbers. The one that R calls my tacky Wal-Mart fag hat. Anyway this lady comes up to me and imagine this with a southern accent asks me "do you have Jesus in your life". I was like yes right now my mother is forcing me too :-P lol I didn't really say that but I thought it was so funny at the time.

Tired of whining :-P. I made a whole new layout today based on Queen of the Damned and the Lestat song Redeemer. It was a hard choice between Redeemer and
( Forsaken )

I have even found pictures to make icons out of from both songs.

I still have a couple of more things to finish up in my room but I love waking up in a clean environment with all this room on my bed :). I also found my dream book but it had nothing on elevators or on the apocalyptic dream R told me about awhile ago. I think I need a better book :-P

I have been searching the Alabama Employment site but I haven't found anything yet. I haven't made it down to the office yet because my mom has being using the car in the morning for last couple of days.

Well more unpacking today. I've got pretty much all of my books unpacked as well as most of my little trinkets. A lot of things bring back happy memories. I've got my pink teddy bear that R gave me on the bed and now I feel a little bit better *smiles* If I have to walk this road alone I am happy for learning the things that I have learned and having the memories I have. I still have to unpack some of my music and a few other books but mainly everything is done. We might be going back to Michigan in two months and I will have to pack everything up again but at least my room looks like a room again.

I watched the Cher farewell tour on VH1 and boy did she look fabulous. If I could turn back time almost made me cry but I didn't :-P hehe

Today was actually a pretty good day. I got allot accomplished. I woke up at like 8:30 this morning and answered all of my emails. Then this afternoon I cleaned my room, vacuumed, and then shampooed the rug. Then I washed this book case that my mom had left of on the front screened porch. It's actually very pretty and has lots of shelves. Once it was cleaned up it fit perfectly in the spot across from my bed. I stripped the bedding down too and now everything in my room is fresh and clean. Finally after 4 months I unpacked the things that I had in my room (the things I thought I couldn't do without :-P) And yes I did put the pictures of me and the boi on a shelf by themselves. There is this one of him sticking out his tongue that makes me smile when I see it. I still have the boxes that are in the next house to go through. I started too late and I don't want to trip in the dark trying to lug stuff from one house to the other. They are mostly just books anyway and I separately packed all the books I absolutely couldn't do without.

Now that my environment is clean and organized the next step is to look for a job. It's either get busy living or get busy dying. So I think I am going to pick the first one ;)

I am actually feeling a lot better. The whole purpose of these memory post is to remember all the good things that happened during our friendship. Honestly I really don't know what's going on with us and I am not going to close any doors. He will always be my boi and I will always be there if he ever needs me. I would have written these things down anyway because you never know what the future holds and I just want to write down all the good things that I remember about our friendship because I am three states away and I do miss him. And it makes me less homesick to think about all the good things that we used to do. He is better than he thinks he is and I think there are certain things going on right now that I don't know about. Whatever may or may not happen only time will tell, right now it makes my heart feel good to remember.

I have more to write and will do so in time but right now I must go and finish some other things.

Well I am getting tired and heading off to bed but I wanted to write down one more memory before I do

It was when we lived in Ferndale and we got into this huge water fight. Of course you were always better at getting me than I was at getting you. Anyway I am drenched but I have this huge glass of water. You run to your bedroom and shut the door leaning against. I try to get in and realize you are leaning against the door but in my favor is the fact that there is like a 3 inch or less space from the door to the ceiling. Just wide enough to tip the glass and poor water on the recipient on the other side of the door. OMG you were so mad but then you burst out laughing. If I remember right I think we both uncle'd on that one. hehe